Why men have affairs?
Talk about a loaded issue that no one wants to speak about, this is it. Funny thing, married dating have been going on from millennium. Affairs can be burdened with troubles, cause despair, and other problems. Plus you must wrap your brain around all the other issues, there’s that truth and openness thing, finances, age difference, religious background, shame, and on and on. I anticipate there will be some strong opinions about some of this.
For the intention of this article I will classify an affair as a long term, maybe years long relationship of a sexual nature between two individuals of whom one or both are married to other persons, discreet dating for married.
Why do people have extramarital affairs? There are as many answers as there are seeking extramarital affairs. I think typically though it is just the human nature, the need for liking, belonging, to be wanted and cared for, the caring for others and wanting to be loved and respected. Here are a several explanations I have run across.
In nature we as human beings are all sexual beings. Nature has us set up to reproduce, to have sex. Sex is pleasing and fun, and sex makes us escape the world for a small period of time. This excitement exists for whatever amount of time we are able to keep the adrenalin levels elevated enough. Someone can switch the desire on and off, some are excellent at controlling it and others are so-so at best. Though we all have it, young and old, able bodied and not so able. It is the Human condition. For some of us it is the sex act itself that drives us. For some of us it is the excitement of the chase. For some of us it is the seduction, for some it is the love for another being, for some it is the longing to be appreciatedloved, for some it is the whole romance thing. These needs and yearnings can be so strong they prevail over the taboos people has erected against affairs. For many people the yearnings will beat their doubts and make them risk the wrath of not only their relatives, but society too. So why, what is the means?
Sex Addicts, perhaps some of us are. Sex is awfully good, better then drugs, a natural high. If you are in this group of physically driven sex addicts and can find away to have an affair and not wound your spouse or anyone else? You would need to minimize the danger you are taking. If you have the approach that a good affair is one that is advantageous to all, then good luck.
No love at home, or no romance. I suppose this is the major grouping, huge truly. There are many couples whose marital relationships is over, apart from they feel happy in the manner they exist, and upsetting the extended families is not on their list of things they wish to do. You love your spouse but there is no romance. Then there are the children to look after. Your funds are so tangled. You need the medical insurance, and so on. There are a lot of reasons to be together besides love and sex.
Bodily reasons, there are some people who can not have sex. They have physical circumstances that stop them implementing the sex operation, at least not with their othere half. An extra-marital affair sometimes solves the trouble while keeping the marriage whole.
Neglect, sorrowfully this is a frequent groung I fear. One or the other, generally the gentleman is sexually neglecting his spouse for a multitude of reasons. As a male I really am grateful to you guys neglecting your ladies and making them available to us men of romance, making them “milfs” But I still think it is despicable that you are neglectful. Also there is the spouse who is neglectful until the wife or husband has an affair, then they condemn them for doing so, when they where the catalyst. Those who neglect, then condemn, are not just neglectful, but evil.
Something is just misplaced in the marriage, I can not put my finger on it, but its not there. Perhaps its romance that is missing, could be it is a lack of love, could be compassion is vanished, could be it is the intimacy, could be neglect. Maybe we have simply grown apart, our general interests diverged. Could be it is that what I want, and what I want to do the rest of my life, is conflicting of what you want. Could be I just do not know what I want from the marriage anymore. Could be, just maybe I miss that emotion that when I am with you, it just feels right.
The ultimate reason people give is, they search for the excitement that is missing and so very much longed for.
There are other reasons, the feeling of power, to escape, for financial gain, for revenge and so on. I am sure there are more reasons why people have affairs then these. I only stop because if this gets too long no one will read it.